Punkin' Noggin'

Punkin' Noggin' is sick o' that uppity old farmer. He drags the old codgers chicken axe across the field to where the farmer is seeing to his pigs. Farmer Donaldson hears a rustling in the high grass, as he turns to see what all the confounded racket is about, he sees Punkin' Noggin' coming for him! 
Donaldson says "Not this again! What's your problem scarecrow?" 
Punkin' Noggin' answers with a couple of swings of the axe at the old man, but seeing how his arms are made of straw and sticks, the attack is slow and labored; and easily dodged. The farmer disarms him and puts a hand on his shoulder.
"Is this about the stick I jammed up your behind in order to keep you upright in the field?"
Punkin', now exhausted from his trip across the field, nods his head.
"Alright," said the farmer, "that was a right insensitive thing I did there. How about a nice chair to sit in instead?"
A vigorous nod in agreement from Punkin'.
The farmer lead Punkin' out to the field, carrying an old rocking chair he had stored in the barn. Punkin' sat in the chair, happy to do his duty. The farmer never sodomized him with a stick after that,  and Punkin' never again tried to murder the farmer with an axe. 
The End.

Happy Halloween!